Guilt

It kept replaying in Zoe’s head over and over again. Like it would never turn off. Like a hamster running on a wheel, squeaking so it could never be ignored. All she could do was watch it run. 

Sabrina was her friend. Not just school friends or a once-in-a-while friend. But a real, genuine friend. 

Her senses overpowered any emotions or thoughts - indistinguishable noises, sweat dripping, blood rising, and the sensation of someone pounding against your head. Once it stopped, Zoe turned to look at Sabrina who was already pushing up daisies on the floor. 

Zoe believed she could have done something to save her, but her subconscious refused. But that’s the thing-it did. It didn't. Did, Didn’t. She did NOTHING. Her guilt looked like a bouquet of flowers and mildew. Flowers for the dead and mildew for the tears. 

Maybe there was meaning behind the universe for letting Zoe be this emotionally distraught. Maybe it would push her to new creative boundaries in writing that would catch the eye of a director and she would become the youngest screenwriter to ever win an Oscar. Then maybe one day an interviewer would ask about her inspiration and she would take that opportunity to make sure that Sabrina’s name and life would not fall into oblivion.

Or maybe the universe is meaningless because it let someone with a kind heart, a passion for life, family and friends and friends as close as family, who was smart in almost every subject, who had a whole life ahead of her now turned into a question mark of what she could have done with it. She became a symbol of misfortune for a life she had no control over, and a life she would never know. 

But all Zoe could do was rip the daisies from the earth and put a bouquet of them in their place. 

And she could watch the hamster run.